An unfinished expedition

Little overlong but a wonderful anecdote.

A beautiful story of failure.

Failure to Combined Defense Services Exam (CDS) and Air Force Common Admission Test (AFCAT)

“You will find an ample number of such success stories of people who have cracked the elite exams. They are posted everywhere across the internet. Read them and get motivated and have a full sense of optimism”.

But, let me unfold the “other side” of the coin.

How wonderful is the journey in *not* becoming an IAF Officer?

Well, allow me to give my brief history here.

Combine Defense Services (1) 2016 — Conference Out.

Combine Defense Services (2) 2016– Exam (First Phase) Fail.

AFCAT 2017 (1) — Couldn’t make it even the first round.

AFACT 2017 (2) — Cracked the exam but couldn’t appear for the interview.

CDS 2018 (1) — Cracked the exam but had to route back home on the 5th day (Conference Out)

AFCAT 2018 (1) — Cracked again (CO).

After this interview, I went to Rishikesh where I tried to contemplate my Achilles heel.

Head Constable Ministerial — Cracked the exam Physical Test but didn’t appear for Typing Test.

SSC Steno — Cracked the exam, didn’t appear for Stenography Test (Pta hi nhi tha kuch isme)

SSC CGL Prelims 2019 — Cracked.

SSC CGL Mains 2019 — Tier 2 Fail.

Every year, I almost reach the final stage of some of the other exams and then get kicked out in the end. I have missed the final list by a few marks, every single time.

So close, yet so far.

More than three years of studies. Did I waste my time?

Has it been a wonderful journey? Am I happy? Many unanswered questions about my simple life.

What exactly is “happiness”? Various definitions for various scenarios.

Every year, 2 lakh aspirants apply for the AFCAT. How many exactly are happy amongst them?

More than 30K people fail to attend the Prelims. They either forget or have family obligations or other work-related tensions. The fact that they have applied for the exam means that they have a dream to become an IAF officer. Those who couldn’t even attempt would surely make them unhappy.

More than 1.65 Lakh people who take the Prelims examination fail to clear it. Some must have studied; some must have given it for time to pass. Irrespective of the intention, they would be unhappy to fail an exam.

Out of the approx 5–6K who clear Prelims would appear for AFSB Interview, more than 4.5K get disappointment for not recommending. They must have done great jobs during the 5 days. Of Course, they will be very gloomy when they see that they didn’t get the recommendation.

Most of them lose it by a few marks, and their careers have taken a setback for more than a year now. So close, yet so far.

250–300 people of these 1000 who get recommended would be happy and feel cloud on nine. Why shouldn’t they?

Now, they would live their precious life after becoming an Air Warrior.

They will fly with artificial wings.

Should we define our state of mind based on external events which are out of our control?

Should we base our levels of happiness based on successes in examinations?
Should we be sad about things that cannot be changed?

I don’t know.

You decide.

I shall tell you how I feel.

After slogging for 3 long years, without a source of income, living off my parents’ money, in my gloomy room, and not doing anything productive as such, I feel I have internal mental satisfaction.

Yes. I am at peace with myself. I have transformed a lot in this journey. I have had many experiences which have changed me for the better.

In 2012, back when I was in school, I was this shy, introverted, immature lad who was the clown of the class. I was annoying and funny and no one ever took me seriously. I was made fun of by the whole group of my class.

And then, I started my preparation.

For AFCAT and CDS, I had to study — English, Maths, Reasoning, Indian History, Geography, Polity, Economics, Environment, Current Affairs, Science, and everything else under the Sun.

In these three years, you can say that I did a bachelor's in all these subjects.

Then, for SSC CGL, I studied Maths, English, Reasoning, and General Studies. That too at a high level. I would practice a lot. So, maybe add BA in 3 different areas.

I groomed my Communication Skills for AFSB and SSB Interview

End of three years, I transformed from this layman, immature lad to this mature, knowledgeable adult. Now when I meet my friends, they are in a state of shock to see these changes. I can talk about any topic, any subject at length. I can have productive debates and can have an opinion on everything. I sound smart when I talk.

They genuinely *respect* me now.

What more do I want?

After putting my efforts into preparing for more than 3 years.

At the end of this journey,

I have a decent career in Teaching and Training (which I love the most where I get a chance to interact with lots of people from different realms such as Medical, Engineering, Charted Accountant, and IT Professionals).

Remember one thing nothing goes into in vain.

I am utilizing my experiences in SSB and AFSB.

At the end of this journey, I am more mature, knowledgeable, and aware.
At the end of this journey, I understood that Life is neither fair nor unfair.

Life is just life.

That’s it.

Every time I failed to clear an Exam, I thought I hit rock bottom. I was sad and depressed. I was frustrated. Then the next failure came, and then the next, and then I realized that there is no such thing called a “rock bottom”.

There is no point in getting frustrated about things that are not in my hands. There is no point in being sad about your fate. I learned that I should be happy with what I already have, and that has been a huge relief for me. I have been so much better since this realization, and have been much more productive.

Have I failed all these examinations?

“Yes”.

Have I failed in life? Heck,

“No”.

I love my life. Even if I didn’t accomplish my childhood dreams, I am internally happy.

I may not have everything I want, but I do have everything I need.

What more could I ask for?

So, yes, this has been a wonderful journey. A wonderful experience. A wonderful ride.

Is this the ending?

“No”

I have just begun this journey..!!!

As they say,

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”